apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
