Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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