my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
