he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
