I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
