you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
