I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize