apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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