I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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