Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
These tits shall not be calmed
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