So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
