Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
