I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
