You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
