i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
