I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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