I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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