so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
