can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
