Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
did i walk over a car last night?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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