U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
