Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
