The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
