Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize