He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
