Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
