I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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