I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize