we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
