I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
