I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And then my night got REAL pukey
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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