the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
