What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize