Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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