Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
