You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize