I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
