is your mom at the bar?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
