for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
