guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
