I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
