he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
