I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
