Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
