Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
