I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
