gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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