Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
