WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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