eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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