dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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