i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
