im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
