First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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