A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
