we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
