she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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