ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
