yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
