That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
