haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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