Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
