I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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