my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
