There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
