Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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