You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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