In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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