Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm jealous of your bromance
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
