I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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