He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
