So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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