Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
