We got so high we made milksteak
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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