who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
