My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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