Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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