It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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